Like most of the Bethany House girls I came from a life full of bad choices. Despite the fact that I had gotten saved a year and a half before coming to Bethany House, I was still cold, bitter and shamefully alone. I had changed very little in my short time of salvation because I didn't know how to hear from the Lord or how to lean on him. But I did have hope in my heart and I had faith that he that had begun a good work in me would be faithful to complete it. I cried constantly because I had lost my witness by becoming pregnant out of marriage, but mostly because I was scared to tears.
I didn't know what to do with a baby. I had a high school diploma and a minimum wage job, which I lost before coming to Bethany House. I couldn't support this baby financially or spiritually. I was completely clueless on how to take care of it materialistically. So for the first 7 and a half months of my pregnancy I denied I was pregnant. Not verbally out loud to people but deep in my heart. I figured if I didn't attach myself to this child that it would be easier to give him up to a good home. And I thought that was the best thing to do. The only feelings I had for this child was a powerful drive to bring him safely into the world and to make sure he had the best home available. I didn't realize this was the start of my mothering instincts.
I prayed continuously that the Lord would guide me. And one day he said to me. Love is an action word. You need to do something for your baby. I started crocheting him a blanket. I would sit in the living room and talk to the housemother who pumped me full of wisdom. She edified me daily and I never could have made it through without her. The most important thing she did for me was encouraging me and hugged me constantly until all those walls fell down. For the first time in my life I was being loved and accepted for who I was. Once I was crying on my pillow and Beth (director) came upstairs to talk to me and love on me and stroked my hair. She also helped me find the answers I was looking for. Her husband Jack came often to the house and always with joy. He gave these big wonderful hugs that I always looked forward to. I had been told all my life that I was a sniveling brat, so that is what I had become. Now I was being praised for my good choices and told that I could be a righteous woman of God.
Then it happened, one night while I was working on my blanket and listening to some worship music it hit me. The reality of the baby boy inside of me was overwhelming and all I wanted to do was hold him. He was suddenly the apple of my eye. They say that God uses all things for the good of those that love him and though an unexpected pregnancy I found God. I was getting guidance and I found a wonderful church to plant myself in. I found a home that tended the soil of my heart and made it ready to receive the spirit of motherhood.
Well my little boy is almost eight years old now. I have since married a wonderful Godly man who adopted him and loves him as his own. We have been married for six and a half years and now have three children and I think I am a pretty good mother to both my boys and good wife.
So you see, the fruit that Bethany House produces is an everlasting change and growth in the hearts of the girls that find their way there. I will be forever grateful to Bethany House and for the dedicated people who shared their lives and their hearts with me.
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